oh, the irony

"the only constant in life is change."

yeah, let that sink in for a minute.

the fact that the only thing that i can be sure of in life is that change will always keep coming is utterly depressing. 

humans don't like change. 

i happen to be one of those humans.

i can deal with the small changes life brings me. (like driving a new way to work, or eating cereal instead of eggs for breakfast.) but it's those big changes that are killer.

big changes for sam lately.

moving.

moving again.

being a senior.

having to pay for gas.

not playing with my friends.

having only 3 sisters near me.

making/losing friends.

stressing about college.

losing 6 inches of hair.

and more are coming. gross. 

later kids,

sam

for the love of llamas

#LLAMAFEST2013

llama fest is a real thing. i even have proof.

this llama's name, though it sounds VERY racist

is White Pride.

(also, yes i cut my hair)

I JUST FREAKIN LOVE LLAMAS. they are just the cutest. (even though they spit.)

(from left to right) loni, me, pride, abigail, and casie.

i'm so lucky to have friends who love llamas as much as me. haha .

later llama kids,

sam

home

for the last decade i have called 4621 Fieldcrest Dr. home.

but i will no longer be able to do that. because it's now someone else's home.

i'm currently residing at a place that has an address that i don't know, because i can't remember it. that's what happens when you get a new house. you don't remember anything about it until you've lived there for AT LEAST a year.

a home.

 

an empty house echoes.

we remove our lives,

and therefore the sound.

its so quiet here,

the life is gone

and in its place

we leave no remnants

of ourselves.

 

as the house is emptied

i silently wonder

if the house will remember.

remember all the things

that went on inside.

will my family still be there

even when we leave.

 

this house made me

happy.

made me feel

safe.

made me feel

loved.

if we leave the house,

can i still have all those

feelings?

 

was it the house itself?

was it the walls,

the colors,

the smells,

the floors,

the hallways,

that made me feel?

 

no.

 

it wasn't

walls

colors

smells

floors

or hallways

that made this house a home.

 

it was a family.

a family lived here,

and left here.

 

and now a new family will

live here,

and love here.

 

but even though we leave,

we take our home with us.

a home isn't

a place a residence,

a home is

a place of being.

 

being with family.

where my family is,

that is my home.

what is summer.

i currently hold a total of 3 jobs.

introducing....

JOB #1: FRONT DESK GIRL (@ the af rec center)

usually i get to work up at the front desk, but on days like today, i have the privilege to work out in the Hut.

---working in the Hut is fabulous, because i don't have to talk to anyone, i have my own air conditioner, and computer (with internet), and i can basically do whatever i want (so long as i help the patrons who happen to need me to help them.).

let me introduce you to the Hut:

(not pictured above: my view from the window)



i am actually working right now. my shift is from 3:00-7:15. i have been here for a total of...two hours. i'm not going to lie, i'm a little bored. i already checked instagram, facebook, twitter, and pinterest. i already tried to plan my new room. i tried reading, but can't. so this is what's left. blogging.

so.

i guess this is it. sorry for the boring post...i suppose i could tell you all about the cute lifeguard that i get a nice view of from my window...but maybe i'll save that for later ;)


later kids,
sam

get over [INSERT NAME HERE]

let me just preface this post by saying, no i was not in a relationship. but i was in a friendship, which i thought might've been more than a friendship, and i did invest a lot of time/thought/energy into this friendship, all for no good reason (because boys are stupid idiots.).

now we all know just how much i love to make lists.

this is a list, buts is really more of an instructional piece of literature.

ready?

how to: get over [INSERT NAME HERE]

STEP 1. PUBLIC HUMILIATION.

haha, kidding. sort of. 

i'm not a big advocate for public humiliation.

but i did tweet this.

abby thought what i did was rude,

i did not.

so i'm counting it.

STEP 2. GIVE YOUR HEARTACHE ITS OWN PERSONAL SOUNDTRACK.

i enjoy doing mine in phases.

phase 1: sad songs, that i can listen to while eating a bucket of ice cream.

phase 2: mad songs, that i can listen to while throwing some stuff, or driving fast.

phase 3: remission songs, that i can listen to to remind myself that other people

 know boys are stupid too.

STEP 3. DELETE EVERYTHING.

i mean it. everything.

his number, his snapchats.

unfriend him on facebook.

unfollow him on twitter/instagram.

if you can't contact him,

you won't.

DUH.

STEP 4. EAT DELICIOUS FOOD. 

seriously. eat like you're not even trying to watch your weight.

i mean, its not like you're trying to impress anyone anyway, right?

STEP 5. GO BE SOCIAL.

now i'm not saying go to a raging party and see a million people.

but at least go to walmart and buy some more goodies.

maybe say hello to someone.

(all i'm saying is that human interaction doesn't hurt.)

BOOM. there you have it.  

i hope doing these things helps.

if it doesn't, you can always just go and TP the crap out of his house.

or egg his car.

(not that i've considered doing either of those things.....)

haha.

later kids,

sam

here's your sign

i've been taking sign language for basically two years now.
even though i complain about going to my ASL class, the truth is: i love learning the language. and i don't even mind having to learn all the history, because its interesting.

every once in a while, i get the chance to use my skill. and i'm not going to lie, it makes me so happy, and it makes me feel like a pro (even if i stumble over what i'm trying to say, and make mistakes).

i like the language a lot because it's so simple.

one sign can mean so many things. and to make a phrase mean more, you add more emphasis. make the movement more drastic.

i like the language because its not complicated.

english is complicated. there are too may elusive words, that get in the way of explanation.
words can get so complicated and twisted. and you can take one word to mean another, and then everything is messed up.

but with sign language,

everything is so clear and 

simple

and easy.

not to brag, but i'm pretty good at it too. haha. 

later kids,

sam

understanding people.

fourth term is almost over, and has left me feeling very inadequate. i'm barely passing all my classes, and i've ALMOST got all my attendance schools done, and i work all the time, etc. but 75% of my inadequacy come from the fact that i have actually gotten worse at analyzing things. 

i realized this when i was talking with one of my friends about a song. and she was all like "oh my gosh, it just is so good. and it has all these hidden meanings" and i was just like "...yeah. totally. i totally know what you're talking about..." when the truth is: i knew the song, i knew the lyrics by heart, but i hadn't actually taken the time to really understand the song, you know?

and so that got me thinking: where else in my life have i not been understanding things?

at the moment i'm not understanding* why i have to go to school, and boys, and why i can't just sleep all the time. 

*by "understanding", i mean: analyzing.

but mostly--PEOPLE.

how many times a day do i talk to people, who i KNOW, but don't UNDERSTAND. i've lost my ability to analyze a person, and see beyond what they tell me. i've had a hard time reading between the lines, so to say. it is truly frustrating, and it worries me. 

hopefully i can get back into my own way of analyzing with some practice.

#practicemakesperfect

later kids, 

sam