all i want in life

if i asked you, "what do you want out of life?"

you'd probably respond by saying, "oh yeah, you know, i totally want to become crazy successful and rich, and famous, and also i want to have a family, and a super awesome career, and blah blah blah blah blah [insert your dreams here]."

if you were to ask me, "what do you want out of life?"

i would have to answer, "the only thing i want out of life, is to live."

but really. (okay guys, i'm really sorry about having to post about being sick of school AGAIN, but on a scale of 1-10 (with 10 being really sick) i am a 10000000e45. (thats a lot.))

mostly i'm just sick of feeling like i'm wasting my life.

all i do is sit in a desk all day and stare off into space while pretending to listen.

and then i come home and sit on the couch or at the table and do homework.

sit sit sit sit sit sit.

BUT.

in one year from now, i will be almost graduated. this idea fills me with butterflies that tickle my insides until i scream with joy.

but until i actually graduate, i'll just be sitting in a desk, day-dreaming about the life i want to live, when i finally get to be done with high school. 

what sam dreams about:

1. TRAVEL. (anywhere new, anywhere interesting. pretty much anywhere that isn't utah county.)

2. FOOD. (don't make fun of me please.)  i want to try so many different kinds of food. (fun fact about sam #4: i looooooove food)

3. AFRICA. oh my, i so badly want to go to africa and serve the people there. they have so little, and i have so much that i'm not even really thankful for. it makes my heart ache, literally, just thinking about those poor starving people, who have so much less than me, and yet are still so extremely happy.

4. FILM. i love film photography, and developing the photos personally. i had a chance to do this a few years back, and it was honestly the coolest thing i've done. taking the film from the camera, and developing it, and making so many prints--by hand--it fascinates me beyond belief, but more on that later.

i've only given you a taste of what i dream about. 

(also, you should know that i do indeed 

have practical dreams of going to college, and family and 

what not so that you don't think i'm a complete waste of space.)

i count myself with the dreamers.

later kids,

sam

friends who write

you know what i love? 

bacon.

you know what i love more than bacon?

a good piece of writing.

you know the feeling you get when you read something amazing? a good sentence full of strong words that when strung together sound like sweet music, and give you chills just looking at them on the paper?

i read something like that recently. and it did give me chills. can i share a sample of it with you?

"as they slowly fall to the ground, 

each word is temporarily forgotten, 

saved for when i have the courage 

to pick up my pen and begin again."

--casie* (aka my bff)

apparently she is a closet writer.

because after almost 3 years of being my best friend,

i had no idea she could write such beautiful words.

pretty much i just love her to death. 

and now i'm going to show you how cute we are.

we are just totes adorbs. am i right?

later kids,

sam

i can't name this

if i were to describe myself in one word, it would have to be, hands-down, without a doubt,

awkward.

while trying to find funny little awkward pictures that would aid me in explaining how awkward my life is, i stumbled upon these little gems.

whilst perusing these "socially awkward penguin" pictures, i was thinking to myself, "oh my gosh, these are so sad."

it took me a few seconds to realize why i thought it was so sad. then it dawned on me.

I AM THE SOCIALLY AWKWARD PENGUIN.

i have literally done all of those things. 

honestly, if being awkward was a sport,

i would be an olympic gold metal winner.

if you have never seen me be awkward then you have never ever in your whole life seen/met me.

*tries to find a non-awkward way to end this post*...*can't*

later kids,

sam

(p.s. it took me ten minutes to try to come up with a title for this post.

there really isn't a non-awkward way to name such an awkward post.

i apologize immensely.)

motivation, or lack thereof.

today i am here to talk to you about how devastatingly UNmotivated i am lately.

i say "lately" because normally i'm at least a  LITTLE motivated. you know, by friends, or by my need/want to not have to re-take college prep next year, etc.. but this week, all i want to do is sit around and not do what i know i'm supposed to be doing. (for example, before i go to work, i would at least THINK about if not actually DO some homework. but now all i do is sit around, and eat.)

but for the past two nights now, i've been getting in bed around 11, which is pretty late anyways, and i honestly just don't want to go to bed. i sit just chillin in my bed, exhausted and awake.

WHAT IS MY LIFE.

i'm not even motivated to go to bed!!! (fun-fact-about-sam #3: i LOVE sleeping.) i'm so unmotivated, and tired. i didn't even have the energy to be nice to people today. (i'm not saying that i'm nice all the time, to everyone, but usually i'm at least polite. (which wasn't exactly the case today.))

EXCUSES FOR BEING UNMOTIVATED:

1.) i am so over school.

2.) i'm sick. with a disease called "senioritis".

3.) i feel like the world is falling to crap.

 (but really, what is the world coming to?)

4.) i'm having legit* boy troubles.

5.) i work all the time.

6.) when i'm not working, i'm

 worrying about homework.

7.) i have too much to think about.

*i promise, my boy problems are legit, this time.

(meaning: said boy knows i actually exsist.) 

i'm not even kidding.

it is my personal opinion that these are 100% acceptable excuses for being unmotivated. 

(i even debated for a few minutes to even make the effort to come up with an actual list. (#lazylife).)

you bet i'm ending this post here because i have to work.

what is my life.

later kids,

sam

first blog post.

what does one talk about in a first-blog-post?

i've been pondering this question for a total of five days. so, naturally my patience came to an end four-and-a-half days ago. [fun-fact-about-sam #1: on a scale of one-ten my patience is a whole negative one].
after accepting the fact that i could not come up with a funny/witty/entertaining first-blog-post, i decided that i would do what i do best. (honestly, if this counts as a talent, its the only talent i have. and i have spent my whole live developing it.) i will ramble.

rambling in....3...2...1...*whisper-point/mouths* GO!

do i need a really good reason to start a blog? the only reason i have right now is that i want to write. i want people to read what i write. (not that i'm going to be telling a lot of people about this. [fun-fact-about-sam #2: i am really shy].)
but really? as far a starting a blog goes, i have a few limited options.

option #1. ramble some sort of deep* stuff about beginnings
option #2. tell you all about me (autobiography-type of thing)**
option #3. ramble about useless*** nothings.
option #4. spill all of my dirty secrets****

*i'm not saying i'm shallow, but i'm not saying that you'll think i'm particularly deep

**that autobiography would not be fun for me to write, nor you to read

***i'll only ramble about useless things on occasion. (also i hope you don't find this useless.)

****dirty secrets? HA. thats a funny joke. (as of three days ago, i have one. (and why would i tell my brand new blog anyways? we haven't even known each other for fifteen minutes!))

okay okay, since i am new to this whole "blogging-scene" i'm not 100% sure when i'm allowed to be finished with a post. so because i'm tired, and i haven't done my math homework yet and its currently 10:30 p.m., i am just going to have to end it here. (my apologies, i know you were really enjoying this.) [fun-fact-about-sam #3: i am pretty darn sarcastic.]

later kids,

sam